Suddenly Remembering Her

As I finished praying this evening, I remembered my mom. I was reminded of how little I'd done for her and how much I could've done for her if she were still here. Or not. All I know is that, sometimes I wish she were still here. I'd really love to introduce her to my kids, her grandchildren. It feels like, she's part of my past, but not my present or future. She's separated from the life I lead now. I look at my kids sometimes and wonder how different it would be if they could see their grandma. I wonder how they would perceive her and how she would perceive them. I feel like she's part of the old me, the me who wasn't strong enough, who wasn't selfless enough, who wasn't compassionate enough. I hadn't outgrown my adolescence years when she passed. I was still an angry teenager when she was around. How I wish to turn back time and do things differently with her! Only if I'd known how short life with her would have been. She held on for me in my first twenty-two years. Nearing my thirty-eighth year, I miss her, wish her presence in my present. Mom, I wish you peace wherever you are now. May we be reunited again someday. Aamiin.